With that in mind, opening up and getting to know someone does take a certain amount of patience.
Assess each new partner as an individual, and stay keenly connected with how you experience yourself while in his or her presence.
You need someone with whom you can reveal your authentic self, not just a piece of you—and you are the only one who can bring that full you to the table.
My last blog on top dating mistakes women make caused an uproar among male readers who complained my advice encouraged women to “play games.” Not a huge surprise, since the most common dating blunders are a boon to lazy men looking for casual flings.
But a bit ironic, given that MEN themselves are masters of game playing in relationships.
authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider recommend: "Don’t see him more than once or twice a week for the first month or two." They also suggest not inviting him back to your place for the first few dates, and holding off on sex until you’re confident he’ll stick around.
Sure, a guy who’s just looking to get laid won’t put up with such “games from women.” In other words, you’ll weed out those who want only one thing. At worst, this is when men try to pass off “booty calls” as spontaneous gestures of missing you and needing you.
You can’t have love in a relationship and simultaneously have counter-measures and defenses in how you relate to the other person. Maybe short, isolated events will happen that can make you feel like you’re gaining or losing ground…
You can have love or you can have someone you compete against… but in the long term, it always results in guardedness, resentment, and withholding…
But because playing a game necessarily translates into masking your authentic self, these rules cannot deliver the kind of genuine partnership on which true love is built.
Instead, following bogus rules when it comes to dating invariably leads to one of two ill-fated consequences: Playing the game culminates in a kind of bait-and-switch in which one member of the new couple tends to feel duped; or one person continues to operate behind a façade so that he or she never becomes fully known by a partner and ends up locked in a one-sided relationship.
You and your partner – like everyone else – are not exempt from engaging in these forms of emotional gimmickry.
Below I will explore some of the most common psychological games and their dynamics.
The game is a blast for both parties involved – until a woman finds herself wondering why the man who was “crazy for her” and “couldn’t get enough of her” has poofed after a few rolls in the hay.