Very few people look forward to dating again after the end of an abusive relationship. You may wonder how you will ever be able to trust yourself to not date another abuser.
These are all totally normal feelings to have, and it’s important to be gentle with yourself moving forward. Before you start a new relationship, it’s important to make sure that you have begun to cope with what you experienced in the past.A counselor or therapist can help you work through your emotional pain, and, of course, we always recommend a lot of self-care!Try making a list of healthy relationship characteristics and respectful partner traits. If you begin dating and start to notice things about your partner that make you uncomfortable, don’t just ignore them.Don’t minimize questionable behaviors or write them off as personality traits.Although the vast majority of victims are female, some are male, too.
But whichever sex, the trauma can be the same, and very intense and damaging.If you return to the dating scene after you’ve been with a destructive man and think you don’t need to plan, then I guarantee that you will end up picking your default dude, or should I say, your default dud.If you are not being intentional in picking your new mate, that is exactly what you will get, a dud, and quite possibly, another destructive one.You fear (and rightly so) becoming vulnerable to a person who may only use that vulnerability as a weapon.Part of learning to trust again is purposefully working through the grieving process. And, ultimately, when you have reached a place of healing, you still have a right to protect yourself from hurt.It can certainly make the idea of dating again very difficult.